“As long as I’m living my baby you’ll be”

Dearest Leia

It’s been two years since the good Lord had taken you home, where you are free from your illness and pain.

Your papa and I still miss you dearly and not a day goes by, when we don’t see your face in our minds. We make sure your big brother remembers you by talking about you as if you are still around.

Some days I still find myself crippled by a deep sadness and remembers your cold hardened body in the cot all wrapped up in the blue sterile hospital cloth. The ER team had just tried their best to save you but life is such, some prayers just have a “No” as the answer.

I remembered staring at you, and my confused state of mind told me this was not you. Your nasal tube had been taken out and every few seconds, blood will flow out of your nostril. I tried my best to wipe that off, but still it flowed out. Your life has ended and yet it still flowed.

December has not been the same since you left. Still, it is better this year. The pain is not as sharp, but dull. The longing not as prolonged, but it is still draining.

I guess time does smoothen out those jagged memories and that’s good. Your little brother, Isaac, all almost two months old, has also helped to keep me focus on the good. We took him to “see” you yesterday, Christmas day itself, at the columbarium and told him of his brave and feisty big sister.

We miss you, too much.

Loving you always and forever

Mama