When A Cynic Prays

I just found out another kid’s medical condition has worsened and doctors are preparing his parents for the worst. While many have prayed for miracles, it seems this is probably not going to be one of those days for miracles.
I am not sure if I still believe in miracles… or even that prayers will bring forth one. I don’t know if I am more cynical since 2010 or maybe I’ve always been a practical person. I know of the many good things in my life, even me living and breathing is a miracle itself. I nearly got knocked down years ago, sandwiched between two cars, if their angles were slightly off, I wouldn’t be here. I had a few close shaves, living dangerously perhaps, but God kept me around. Those times, I didn’t pray or even have anyone prayed for me, but I guess one doesn’t need prayers to have a miracle.
If it is already in God’s plan for something extraordinary to happen, can it still be considered a miracle? And do we actually think, kinda thick skinned of us to assume that our prayers have more power that God’s, that we can influence Him and change His mind.
Truth is, when we have nothing left in our bag of tools or we are humbled by the fact that we are absolutely helpless, there is nothing we can do but pray. Yet, I feel terribly hypocritical when I say that I have prayed for someone, because behind every word is a doubt that lingers and gnaws. That my word doesn’t stand as well, because I don’t know His plans. If I knew, Leia would have lived.
Truth is, it sucks to have your hopes raised.
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